• 12Sep

    Know When to Call

    Listening, Mediation, Negotiation, Speaking

    It’s 5:30 on a Friday afternoon, and I just got off the phone with a woman lawyer who gives me a lot of business. The fact that I was able to reach her at this hour is because I know when to call. She likes to work late on Friday afternoons when everyone else has gone home and she can get caught up. It’s when she’s most relaxed and available. 

    She was the lawyer on one side of a very contentious mediation I handled, and I was able to settle it by knowing when to reach her. It wasn’t while she, a one-woman law firm, was conducting depositions at the Public Defender’s office, with announcements squawking in the background every other minute. No, I arranged that she would call me after she finished a big hearing, which she did while she was driving across the state on Alligator Alley (which, for anyone who hasn’t done it, means there are no cars and no distractions, just a ribbon of road through the Everglades.) She was calm, she was attentive, and she was willing to listen.

    This is the same piece of advice I give my kids, when they are trying to get their Dad to agree to something. You have to know when to ask. It isn’t the moment he walks in the house, or the minute before he leaves to go somewhere. Now, my daughter will text him and say, when can we talk, and he does the same with her. Without actually realizing it, they are making appointments, clueing the other person in that at the appointed hour, you will need to pay attention, you will need to be willing to listen.

     In mediation in general, I find that people appreciate the fact that I listen. It seems to be lacking in most of our lives; therefore, one important aspect of moving to resolution is the seemingly simple act of hearing what someone else is saying. When you know that someone has heard you, you feel better, more at ease, and willing to relax. You can let go of the adversarial stance and move into a state of willingness to reach agreement. See for yourself. Make a date to listen.

    Posted by Anne Bloom @ 12:16 pm

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